After being together with the same (abusive) man for 23 years, I hadn’t put much thought into being with another man. But… I was extremely lonely and lost so posted a personals ad out there and was overwhelmed with responses.

There were several that I answered but one in particular caught my attention. It was from a guy who said he was in a similar position and thought that maybe we could help each other out. He was just ending a 7 year relationship with a Russian woman ”who could turn the head of a blind man.” Hmm okay – I couldn’t compete with that but… whatever.

We emailed a bit, IM’d, cybered and eventually moved on to phone sex. This was all very new to me; all of it, but the phone sex was very scary, for some reason. Not because I was afraid of this guy or that he’d find me. No – it was because I had never even thought about what I wanted sexually, let alone said it out loud. Where had I been living all this time – in a cave?

His voice was deep and patient as he guided me through. I don’t think I said much; it was daring enough for me just to be touching myself while he talked to me. I was masturbating while holding the phone to my ear, talking to a stranger… and he was about to hear me cum. I was terrified and excited at the same time. “Whoa… what the hell just happened?” I thought

Not long after that, we met in person for the first time. I came to the hotel lobby where he was staying and rang his room. When he answered, he gave me his room number but I was still too timid to go there so he came down to meet me. Funny… I still remember his smile but don’t recall whether we hugged when we met or if it was more awkward than that. Keep in mind… I was still married and not ‘free’ of my soon-to-be ex yet. I’d never been ‘bad’ before and was a total fish out of water; only this fish had wobbly knees!

We walked to a nearby Starbucks and chatted for quite a while. The more nervous I am, the more I talk so he probably said very little. He was very smiley though; I do remember that. I learned later that my tight white poplin shirt had a huge gap that gave a nice view inside my bra and cleavage. We had an awkward good-bye at my car that left him feeling that I was uninterested. My fault – I was a dork. Still am

My new male friend thought I was uninterested so was surprised when I contacted him again through IM. About a week after our coffee date, we made arrangements to meet again but not at the coffee shop I waited for his call and left my office around 2:00pm that afternoon and went straight to his room when I arrived at the hotel.

I took a deep breath as I entered the room. He took each of my hands in his and pulled me close to kiss me. His hands were warm, but clammy; indicating that he was also nervous. This was somewhat comforting for me, because I hadn’t been with anyone other than my soon-to-be ex for the past 20+ years.

What happened next is essentially described in Part 1 (my initial blog post), although some details are missing; some embellished. What was most memorable (for me) was that for two people who did not know each other intimately, it felt more familiar and intimate than having sex with my S-T-B ex ever felt; sad, but true.

We were together intimately one other time after this and it was every bit as good (if not better) than the first. There have been many cyber and phone sex interludes since then but I think those have come to an end.

Yes, Yes… I know there are others who are raising their hand to take his place but it’s just not the same. I don’t have the privacy or patience to develop the rapport it would take to match the chemistry we seemed to have naturally. I’m really going to miss my cyber sex buddy!

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